lucky duck

On March 30, 2010, in big picture stuff, joy, by Lori

[via the essential man]

I am among the top 8% of the world’s wealthy (and obviously therefore richer than 75% of the world); I am more blessed than a million people this week; and I am more fortunate than 3 billion people in the world. much, me?

EDIT: I followed all the retweeting, retumbling, etc., and think I found the originator of the poster, here. She said she didn’t write the piece, she just created the poster. Check her out via the link.

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on multiple levels of watching

On March 30, 2010, in NY stories, knitting, socks, by Lori

Last night I had to take the subway downtown a little ways, and when I got into a car, the absolute REEK of alcohol literally made me gasp. Of course, when this happens I immediately begin to try to figure out which person is the drunk. Because I want to stay far far away from him. And it’s almost always a him. The last time I was trapped too near a drunk, he started vomiting and the car was so crowded, we were all just trapped, and on and on he went. Other times, the are rowdy and big and loud, and kind of scary. Especially to me.

So, last night I grabbed a seat and started looking around, trying to ID him. I didn’t think it was the big guy sitting next to the door; he had a gym bag between his feet. I didn’t think it was the Sikh man standing, facing the door. Yeah, probably not him. (I know I’m being guilty of visual profiling!) No one looked drunk, but I figured it was probably the young(ish) guy standing in the middle of the aisle with his back to me. He wore work boots and a long jacket, and he had some kind of leather bag hanging down, which he wore under his jacket. STRANGE.

my subways

So that leather bag…..hanging inside his coat…..what’s that about? Who does that? Is he just some strange guy, or someone who was robbed once, so he learned to do that? Or is he some crazy subway bomber?! And that gym bag by the door, what’s really inside that zipped duffel bag?

Suddenly the question of whether the guy was a drunk was much less important.

Living in post-9/11 Manhattan, with the ongoing question of whether to prosecute the 9/11 suspects here, with subway bombings happening elsewhere in the world, with the occasional pair of murders happening (a double knifing on my own subway line a couple of mornings ago), you know? You pay attention in the subway. You get used to random bag searches; my assistant at work was routinely searched, but I’ve never been stopped. According to a story on Gothamist, “one rider said, “I feel the tension on the Metro. Nobody’s smiling or laughing.”"  And that’s different from other days how?

To close on a much nicer note: Crow Kai-Mei:

Kai-Mei , in crow colorway

Isn’t that such a beautiful color, that indigo blue, with shadings from black to denim to lighter blue? I would never have thought to call it crow, but I guess was thinking of the blue-blackness of crows so I get it. To me, it looks more like denim but I’m no colorist. I’m only these during my commute to and from work, so I get a few rows done at a time. At this rate, I’ll have one done by the time I finish my daughter’s wedding dress and shawl, but who cares! I’ll still have feet, and need , so there.

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It’s cold and rainy here today – after the spring tease of a couple of weeks ago, this breaks my heart, as it does every single year. It isn’t really the cold aspect of northern winters that wears you down, it’s the long aspect. Maybe it’s the gloomy weather, but the following things have captured my notice:

*  A 19-year old male committed suicide by jumping in front of a subway train in my part of town. It’s so sad, to be so filled with despair at only 19 years old. And do not judge New Yorkers whose quick response is to complain about the way that affects their commutes. When you don’t have a car and rely exclusively on public transportation to get you to and from work, or grocery shopping, or anything at all, you have a slightly different perspective. It’s very sad – it is – and now how am I going to get to work!

* I was reading a piece in the NYTimes magazine by the former editor of House & Garden, Dominique Browning, and she was talking about grieving the loss of her identity when Conde Nast closed the brand. She cited this line from Psalm 22:14, as the most eloquent description of pain, and I do agree:  I am poured out like water, and all my bones are out of joint. My heart has turned to wax; it has melted away within me. The tone of that line brought the work of Robert and Shana Parkeharrison to mind, whose work used to be one of my son’s favorites:

* And I’ve been thinking lately about the way our society has moved away – ever closer to entirely away – from the authority of  institutions to the authority of individuals. In the process, it seems like the output of individuals is of much higher quality than ever before. This is just a note to myself, still unpacking the concept.

* Finally, even though all my time is being assigned to the secret wedding shawl (hi Marnie!), a girl does need something to knit in the subway to and from work. That’s a good 20 minutes each way! So I started a new pair of for me, this time. I’m making the really cool Kai-Mei socks from Cookie A’s Sock Innovation book, using yarn in the crow colorway. As it’s up, it looks more like denim, like your favorite dark pair of blue jeans. I’ll take photos asap, tomorrow maybe. Anyway, here’s the yarn:

, colorway: crow

not my kai-mei , just posted here so you can see the interesting pattern

[courtesy of reeniebeanie - check her out!]

Stay warm, stay dry, stick around.

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here and [not] there

On March 27, 2010, in FO2010, big picture stuff, books, joy, knitting, socks, by Lori

A random mishmash o’ stuff today:

*  It’s been a hell of a week – 12.5 hour workdays, which were nowhere near enough. By the end of each day, I was still too far behind, how does that work?

*  I saw a friend I usually see once a week, and the evening I was on my way to see her, I thought ‘man, it feels so long since I saw her!’ It took me the whole trip to realize that I hadn’t seen her in 2 weeks, and that’s because last week I was on vacation. In Honduras. Last week feels like forever ago. And not real.

* Until this moment: for our vacation, my sweet husband packed the electric kettle, a huge coffee mug, a plastic cone for making one cup of coffee at a time, and a stack of filters (plus a bag of fresh-ground really good coffee). So every morning on vacation, our routine was that he made me a cup of coffee, I got out of bed, and we went on our porch – me, to knit and drink my coffee, and him, to rock in the hammack and think, or talk to me. So this morning, I just made my coffee and poured a cup into that particular mug. The vacation feels real, I remember it. And I wish I were there.

Two sides of me:

* The not-so-nice side – I always get really mad on the subway when an adult with small(ish) children expects other adults to give up their seats so the kids can sit. What??! Kids have all the energy! They haven’t just worked a terrible job all day, they’re not stressed out, their backs don’t hurt! I’m sorry, if you’re 4 or 5 years old and there’s enough space for you to very safely stand and hold onto a pole, I am going to keep my seat. Bite me, adult giving me a dirty look.

* The nicer side – I have a friend who had a major stroke last year and who is currently in the darkest place of suicidal depression. She’s very brave but she doesn’t know that (or anything good) right now. So yesterday I wrote her an email that included this: “The bravery of us poor little frail people in this world, going forward as if we know what we’re doing, going forward as if it’s all somehow guaranteed (until something happens and we’re reminded that it’s not……but we go back to our old habits of thinking it’s all guaranteed). It makes me feel quite tender toward humanity whenever I think about this. Here we all are, with all our troubles, with the pain and trouble that we all bear in one form or another, with our small joys and our fragile hopes and plans. Here we all are, tiny little specks in an unimaginable infinite, on a tiny little planet whirling around a tiny little sun in just one little galaxy, here we all are, doing our best. GREAT. Now I’m starting to cry. I think we are all amazing, and that includes you. And I guess, then, that it must include me.” See? I can be kind towards people. Just don’t ask me to give up my seat to a 4-year old.

Finished the monkeys – will block them and get them in the mail to Katie first thing Monday morning:

one's a little smaller than the other - i'd bet the smaller one is more tightly-knit and therefore the one i knit here in Manhattan. looser = vacation.

blocking the monkeys to make them closer in size to each other; actual color is closer to the photo above this one, which came out weirdly golden.

We have a 3-month plan: I am putting all my ducks in a row, getting everything lined up to quit my job in 3 months. Period. I’ll teach, as much as I can; I’ll do writing and statistical consulting, as much as I can; I’ll try to do developmental work and rewriting on manuscripts for publishers, as much as I can; and I’ll make things and sell them, as much as I can. We’ll pare down our expenses, as much as we can. I cannot persist in this job that sucks the living life out of me. I’ll be 52 in November, and I say uncle. I want to have a life that’s not just bearable and happy on the weekend, you know?

This week, 3 people at work quit. Two of the editors in my group are going  on interviews and will leave the second they get another job. Granted, I don’t know everyone on my floor, but everyone I do know is looking for another job. No exception. My boss even told me that she suspects our brand new assistant is already looking for another job. My company is based in the U.K., and there, it really is an enormous honor to work for this company. People stay with the company their entire lives – so very proud to work for this company. And I get it – it’s an amazing amazing and old company! It published the very first book. BUT (1) it doesn’t hold the same cachet here, (2) the Madison Ave experience is 100% different than the experience on that lovely lane in that beautiful town in the U.K., and (3) publishing is under such pressure now due to the economy and the transitional moment between books and online presentation of [free] content, we’re all turning into diamonds from the pressure.

Anyway. Lots to get done this weekend! No easy traveling right now, as my time is turned entirely to the wedding shawl. I’d hate to carry that in the subway – snowy white cobweb-weight wool, complicated Estonian lace patterns. My only other alternative right now is the lettuce-green Ishbel, which is also a bit hard to do on the subway. So this weekend I’ll get back to the shawl, and I just have so much other stuff to do towards my eventual release to freedom. I feel myself getting lighter, just thinking about it.

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jiggedy jig

On March 21, 2010, in FO2010, big picture stuff, experience, joy, knitting, socks, travel, by Lori

……and, we’re back. Roatan was just wonderful – even better than last year, in many ways. We weren’t able to be online with any ease, so I just put up one giant post on the Roatan blog, with a flickr slideshow. It was great to be there, and kind of awful to be facing work tomorrow. I only have 235 emails, so it could definitely be worse, but I can’t bear to look at them today. Tomorrow will be soon enough.

I did a lot of on vacation, partly because I had a dreadful cold the first couple of days, and there was an amazing storm for a couple of days. I finished the holey , and am ~75% finished with the other pair:

side view of the holey

holey , accompli!

  • Pattern:  Holes in my socks! By Nicole Okun
  • Yarn:  Lorna’s Laces Shepherd Sock Multi (Colorway: Beverly 209) – 2 skeins were more than enough

side view of the monkeys

looking down on the monkeys

  • Pattern:  Monkey, by Cookie A
  • Yarn:  Knit One Crochet Too Ty-Dy (Colorway Meadow 1518)

I’m going to try to knock out the rest of sock #2 and get them both out in the mail to Katie asap, then I need to return all my time to the wedding shawl.

While we were gone, spring seems to have arrived in full force here in Manhattan! It’s sunny and gorgeous outdoors, and people seem refreshed. Today is the post-vacation normalizing for us – piles of laundry, straightening up and putting everything away, getting ready for the week.

One thing that makes it better, coming home from vacation, is that we always start planning the next one. Our current idea is to go to Laos, with a trip to Cambodia to see Angkor Wat and maybe a side journey into , avoiding Bangkok if at all possible. Or to the degree possible, anyway. The child sex trade there is too horrifying to bear, and I don’t want to give a penny to the country that supports it. Every country supports horrors of one kind or another, and there’s little gradation between things at that far end of the spectrum, but that one in particular is unbearable for me. So we’re focusing on Laos, and trying to figure out how best to get there at a reasonable price. We loved so much, and especially enjoyed Hanoi, so we may just make a stop there, too. Fun fun fun, anticipating and planning. It makes the coming home a bit easier.

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hasta luego!

On March 12, 2010, in experience, travel, by Lori

…and, we’re off! We’ll be basking in the sun (or clouds and rain, if you believe the forecast but who cares) on the island of Roatan, off the coast of Honduras. Home again in a week, so in the interim, follow us on the blog. Here’s a visual taste of the place:

just another morning on the beach.

the lovely island of Roatan

the porch of our little tree house-y cabin

the porch of our little tree house-y cabin

Here’s to rest and relaxation, a cure for the common cold, a lot of snorkeling and good eating, plenty of reading and , and long walks on the beach with my husband. Love and hugs.

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sorry y’all…..telephone

On March 12, 2010, in joy, recommendations, by Lori

I’m sorry, this has nothing whatsoever to do with , but Gaga has me again. I couldn’t stop watching Bad Romance for weeks and weeks, nearly wore a groove in my iPod listening to the song to the exclusion of everything else. The video, oh the video.

And now: Telephone. Pure Lady Gaga wonder.

Delicious torture. Why do I love her so? I’m a 51-year old overly-serious woman. Must be something in my coffee.

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look, Katie!

On March 10, 2010, in knitting, socks, by Lori

sock #1

The second sock is nearly at the heel part, so I will finish it when I’m in Honduras next week. I’ll mail them to you when I get home!  It has made me so happy to make them for you, and I look forward to making the next pair, too. I’ll use a different pattern, of course.

As immune systems will do, mine crashes after a prolonged period of stress. It’s been working and working, carrying me through the stress, and when the stress backs off just a little bit, crash. It’s kind of fascinating, if you ask me. My stress is still very intense; I woke up at 4:45am this morning so I could get to work early. But I guess the relief is coming, so crash. So just in time for my beach vacation: a cold, thankyouverymuch. Still, I’d rather be there with a cold than at my desk with a cold. If I have to have one.

Off to have a steaming bowl of tomato soup and an intense regimen of ColdCalm. And early to bed, so I can early to rise again tomorrow.

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catching up – the brief edition

On March 6, 2010, in knitting, socks, by Lori

Yesterday is done for the year, so moving on! Today we’re going in search of a new bathroom light fixture, and we’ll take a trip down to Chinatown for some eating of Thai food – I think that’s the current plan. I’ll take my camera along, so I may have photos later.

My weeks fly by in a blur of stress – my best intentions to post more regularly are just paving the road. A week from today we’ll be flying back to Roatan – I hope you’ll drop in on that blog now and then while we’re gone. I’ll leave a note here when we leave, so the link as at the top.

Sock is about all I’m getting done, a couple of rows on the subway to work, and a couple more on the way home. Still, a row here and a row there, pretty soon you’ve got a sock! Here’s where I am now:

going down the foot toward the toe!

spread flat, with the heel underneath: a bit of green pooling at the top of the foot

I’m kind of brain dead – do you know how that goes? Too much stress at work, consuming all the ATP molecules and all the attention, leaving a drained little husk of a mind. Maybe the weekend will energize me…..possible, since we have SUN!! Hallelujah!

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grace and gratitude

On March 5, 2010, in big picture stuff, by Lori

today is one of those not-so-good anniversaries that people have – one i dread every year. but i find myself feeling like a person today. one of my daughters turned 25 on wednesday and was hit by a car while riding her bicycle. but she was not too terribly hurt, just bruised and sore, and she had one of the best birthdays of her life. i have a surprisingly large number of real friends, people i can and do count on to know me and love me [anyway], people i love and cherish. i get to be in this world another day. daffodils are coming. days are getting longer. banjo music. the beach, in 8 days. i have a job, whatever else i may say about it. my book club. my writing group. authors – “my” authors – whose work i admire and who are people i am so proud to know, and it still surprises me that i know these amazing and oustanding people. i live in manhattan, where i always wanted to live. i love and am loved by a man who shares a soul with me. i get to travel and see the world with that man….still arm-pinching in its surprise, for a homeless girl from wichita falls, texas. i have grown children whose lives transformed mine, and who are very fine people out in this world.

and daffodils are coming. who can be sad when they look at daffodils.

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