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Joy
My kids were weird, it’s true. On parents’ night in kindergarten, you know how the teacher would post the kids’ things all over the walls, and you’d walk around looking for your kid’s stuff? One year, the kids filled out a list of their favorite things, one of which was food. I walked around, reading “my favorite food is pizza…” “…hamburgers…” “…macaroni and cheese…” “…artichokes..” The last one, that was always my kid.
They loved jug band music. My son cracked us up singing If You’re a Viper, by Jim Kweskin and the jug band. They loved Laurel and Hardy. LOVED ‘em.
So the totally impromptu dance that Marnie did with her dad at her wedding included a bit from Way Out West, one of their favorite Laurel and Hardy films. I’ll bet Marnie hasn’t seen that in years – maybe even since she was a kid.
they just spontaneously did this
the originals. and they really were.
And here’s the very short video – it’ll make you laugh. At least, it makes ME laugh. And get all misty-eyed, remembering my nutty little kids, parked in front of the TV falling over laughing at it.
The video is 2:01 in length, and they ‘commence to dancin’ at 33 seconds. I start my day with happiness in my heart.
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I promise I’m not going to keep going on and on about this, but a photo came in from my daughter Katie’s collection and it’s really how I wanted to end my wedding posting – it says it all. Thank you Katie!
And a couple of Marnie dancing with her parents:
Marnie dances with her dad - this is SO them
Marnie and me, doing our private dance to our song
I hope seeing the pictures makes you feel — even a little bit — some of the joy.
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What an emotional and wonderful experience the last several days has been. It’s really one of the highlights of life, when a child gets married. Marnie’s and Tom’s wedding was really beautiful. (here’s a link to the flickr set, with a growing number of photos)
Late afternoon:
me, writing notes for my toast. They put me last because they (rightly) knew that my speech would be the most emotional.
A silent auction of some of Marnie's prints, to benefit the Human Rights Campaign (HRC)'s support of gay marriage
Tom's friend Gwendolyn did Marnie's hair and makeup
FINALLY! It’s 7pm, time to head down to the prairie, where the ceremony will be held.
we all walked through the forest, past the sugar shack, to get to the prairie where we waited for Tom and Marnie to appear.
and here they come! We all broke out into applause when they appeared. Tom's niece Ella had gathered a bunch of prairie wildflowers for Marnie to carry, at the last minute.
This is SO THEM. Even in this moment, there was a lot of laughter.
married! Joe just pronounced them married, after the most beautiful ceremony and vows. And there was much applause, laughter, tears, and joy.
Then we all returned to the Lodge, for a wonderful dinner catered by a local restaurant. They don’t do catering – they just did this for Marnie and Tom. They bought all local ingredients for the menu, purchased the morning of the wedding.
Marnie watches Tom order his food - I love her gaze at him
a moment's pause. I think she looks so beautiful, even in this thoughtful moment.
Night fell as we were eating dinner, and then we had the speeches and toasts. Without exception, everyone talked about how much Marnie and Tom laugh together, how absolutely right they are for each other, and how much they mean to us all. Marnie and Tom had their dance, then Marnie had selected a song to dance with her dad, and then there was our song, one that has enormous meaning for Marnie and me – L.O.V.E., by Nat King Cole. It’s a long story …. but you can bet I cried throughout the whole thing.
the tent, lit up with little bits of starlight and a lot of joy
Marnie's gannetts hanging from the tent rafters
FLYING HOME SUNDAY
Only because we had to, we flew out on Delta. I hate Delta. I honestly don’t think I’ve ever taken an uneventful Delta flight; I’m sure it would be memorable if I ever had a Delta flight that was uneventful because it would be the only such experience. We flew from Madison to Detroit, where we had to change planes (with a 1-hour layover), for the flight home to LaGuardia. Like all our other flights on this roundtrip, we got to the airport to find that the flight to Detroit was delayed by one hour. There were no other flights that would get us home that day, no matter how we arranged it. So we just had to hope for the best.
While we were in the air, someone – one of pilots, we think – came on and said this: “Sorry we got a late start, and we know most of you are worried about making your connections. But look! Look outside, it’s a beautiful day! It’s still a beautiful day to be flying!” And so on. Mr. Mindfulness, trying to reorient us. It made me laugh.
So we got to Detroit, the connecting flight knew there were 19 of us on the now-late plane, so we ran off the plane, raced down the terminal, and raced onto the very VERY hot plane. And then we sat. And we sat. And we sweated in the heat, and we waited. An announcement was made that we’re waiting on the pilot, who was coming in on another flight that had been delayed. Later, an announcement: the pilot has just landed! We should be taking off in about 5-10 minutes! Later, another announcement: “Hi, I’m your new pilot with the replacement team. We have no idea what happened to the other flight crew. We should be taking off shortly.”
SO DELTA. We did finally land, only to face incredibly bad traffic. We got home considerably later than we dreamed we would. But I got a lot of knitting done; finished my Wowie Zowie socks, and got a great start on Peasy.
fantastic socks, taken against a backdrop of your standard Best Western bedspread.
Peasy! Easy! Fun!
the bit of lace on the front panels
And now, I begin my new life as (a) the mother of 2 married daughters, and (b) a freelancer. I’m finishing up the unpacking/straightening up details, finishing a lot of paperwork, and then I start my new life scrambling for work. Know anyone who needs (1) a manuscript developed, (2) a good writer, (3) a market research consultant, (4) a survey designer and programmer, or (5) a data analyst? If so, send them my way!
Thanks again for all your very lovely best wishes, they meant a lot to me.
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More later today – for now, this photo and a word to you wonderful people who leave comments. I have to say that your comments have been so lovely, I honestly did feel your caring presence with me! Kate, Kty, Jocelyn, Kelly, Gail, Tammy, Jocelyn, Laura, Pip, Anne, gibknitty, Andrea, Kelli, thank you for sharing one of the best moments of my life with me.
July 17, 2010
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It’s my first time in Wisconsin; my almost-son-in-law said that when you cross the border, you see signs for cheese and porn. The porn signs that we saw were a bit hidden away (they’d come in on a different highway before, and said the signs were plentiful) but we did see cheese signs. Of course.
cheese and fireworks! a natural combination!
Let me go back a little bit. I flew into Chicago, and coincidentally arrived at O’Hare at the same time my older daughter Katie and her husband Trey arrived from Austin – that was a surprise treat. So we met up, got a car and drove to Marnie’s house where we met Tom’s (the groom’s) sister and her family. Then Joe arrived, their friend who is going to be their officiant, and the wedding paperwork was signed.
top to bottom: Joe, Tom, and Marnie (wearing her wedding shawl, even though it was sweltering hot!)
yay! It's all signed! Marnie is happy and Katie is clapping.
Then we all trekked through the sweltering neighborhood to the kids’ favorite restaurant for brunch. Unfortunately, the air conditioning had died in the restaurant. We ate there, anyway.
that little charmer is Liam, and his sister Ella hides behind him.
Then a sweltering walk to the Lake Michigan shore, then a sweltering walk back to Marnie’s and Tom’s place, then we loaded up the cars and drove to Wisconsin, to the cabin.
Marnie and Tom
(If you look back at this post you’ll see how well Marnie captured the lodge in her wedding invitation print!)
wild and beautiful
it's just gorgeous
a bit of lawn, a grill, a picnic table, and an abundance of wild flowers and birds
they can sit here in the mornings and watch the morning come up
look at the lodge kitchen! what a great old stove at the end
Marnie just found a tick on her bicep, and I think that’s probably a harbinger of things to come. The location is absolutely wild and beautiful, and full of bugs and birds and bats and probably other things that start with other letters of the alphabet. The actual wedding is going to be in the prairie behind the lodge; there are gorgeous walkways through the forested area, a fire pit (where there will be s’mores made by the dozens, I imagine), and lots more to see. Today we’re going to be setting everything up, hanging lights, doing all kinds of things to prepare for tomorrow’s happy event. Marnie and Tom get married.
Marnie just narrated the events so far: Day 1, BATS! Day 2, TICKS! 
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OK! The time has come (the walrus said) – I’m shutting down the computer so I can pack it up. I’ll catch a cab at 5am to head out to Chicago, and then we’ll all caravan out to the wedding site in SW WI.I can’t wait….and I can’t wait to show you some pictures. See you in a few days!
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happy! joy!
SUCH a wonderful, happy day for me! I finished the final little details of my old job, tied up every last loose end, left nothing undone, left on a very high note.
I finished grafting the shawl together, and it LOOKS GREAT! I was so worried that the graft would be obvious and weird, but you know the kitchener stitch is really amazing. It really looks seamless. Now I just have to weave in a couple of ends, then soak it for a bit and do the blocking.
Isn’t it great when the things that hang over you are finished? You know that glorious feeling of liberation and accomplishment and exuberance?
Yeah. I’ve got those going. After I finish the blocking, I think I’ll do the next swatch for Peasy, so I can work on it on the flight later this week. To my daughter’s wedding. Two girls happily married, that’s another great relief, you know?
blocking
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And also – Chicago weather!
Lightning strikes three of the tallest buildings in Chicago at the same time! from Craig Shimala on Vimeo.
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After a rapid flurry of comments all at once – and thank you for them! – I just crossed the 500th comment marker that triggered the giveaway. It was a little plea for rain that yielded a lovely ball of Noro Bonbori for ………
Thanks to everyone who posts comments on this little blog. You help me feel so much less alone.
And for everyone else, I wish I had Bonbori to spare so I send each of you a little gift to show my gratitude that you share my online world. Your comments always make me smile, often make me laugh, and always help me feel connected.
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There are moments in life when the soundtrack syncs perfectly. Do you know what I mean? One very hot summer night a couple of years ago, my husband and I went out for a walk around 10pm. We were headed toward the Columbia University campus, which is just a couple of blocks up Broadway from our apartment. We walked to the corner of Broadway, and just as we turned left to head toward campus, someone somewhere started playing Summertime on a trumpet. It was haunting, and perfect, and such an incredible New York moment. The living did feel easy; it was a sultry night, the music was perfectly suited and played by someone who had much more emotion than skill, which made it even better, and I was walking in my beloved city, with my beloved husband. I got goose bumps then, and I always get them when I recall that moment, like I’m doing now. Perfect, and magical.
blue skies and puffy clouds
And today, just now, another moment like that. It’s the first day of summer, the light is dazzling, the sky is blue, the air smells sweet (so far….check back with me later when the air reeks of trash and urine), shopkeepers are spraying their sidewalks so there is a cool mist in the air all along the sidewalk, and I was walking to the UPS shop with my beloved daughter’s wedding dress in my arms, ready to send her.
As always, I was listening to music. As I turned the corner onto Broadway, a string of absolutely PERFECT songs came on my ipod: Beautiful Day, by U2; Feels So Good, by Chuck Mangione; and Boogie Shoes, by who else – K.C. and the Sunshine Band. I felt my feet leave the ground. And, of course, I cried. That’s so me. You can’t give someone else your synchronicity, but in case you also like these songs, and they fit your day, here they are:
Also: yodeling, banjo music, and laughter in a lot of different languages. Things that add to my feeling that it is fine to be a human being in this world.
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I was sitting here thinking about this moment in my life – leaving a secure (though terribly stressful) job without anything specific lined up – and thinking that I feel happy, and full of hope and possibility. This wasn’t always true; in fact, for most of the 6 months I’ve been considering this move, I have instead been terrified, imagining that I am too old, at 51, to start something new. That nothing would happen for me, that I’d fall into poverty and death. (dramatic, I know, but you know how fear can do that to you!)
Then a line from a wonderful old song popped into my head: What a difference a day makes, 24 little hours… But instead I thought, What a difference a mood makes. “Mood” isn’t quite right – it’s much deeper and more pervasive than a simple mood, but it fit the lyric rhythm.
Perspective. What a difference perspective makes. Perhaps it matters whether you’re looking at your feet or at the horizon. Truth is a raspberry, not a piece of sand – bulbous, multifaceted, multicolored, round, bumpy. The truth is that I am 51, and have started over so often I have a patchwork resume. But the truth is also that I can do a lot of things, and am flexible, and – not unimportantly – I have a husband who is supportive and whose income makes this kind of move possible. I cannot be a lady of leisure (though I’d be so great at it!). I need an income, but for the first time in my life, I am not the sole or primary support of 4 people. For the first time in my life, I have the freedom to at least take the leap and see what happens, and that’s a pretty lucky thing.
Here – pick a version of that great song and give a listen. I recommend that you start with Dinah.
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When I saw today’s word for the Creativity Boot Camp project – fly - I blinked a couple of times because I couldn’t believe it. I rubbed my eyes, I shook my head a little bit, I moved closer to the computer screen. Flying. It really says flying.All night long I dreamed I was flying. In the gauzy period when I was just closing my eyes – not quite awake and not quite asleep – I dreamed I was floating, floating, dreamy floating, lying in the soft air as if I were in a Chagall painting.
I floated a lot in my sleep. And there were times I was flying, pushing off from the ground with my right foot, soaring, wheeling, swooping. Flying. As flying usually does, it felt like complete freedom.
Who knows why we dream what we do, but I suspect I dreamed of flying all night because of an enormous change that’s about to happen. I’ve alluded to it a lot, the incredible stress and frequent misery of my job. I love the work itself, I love my authors, I love the books I acquire, I love the publisher I acquire them for, I just don’t love the terrible pressures. Monday I am giving my notice, my last day will be the end of this month.
The sky is vast when the chains fall away – everything is possible. What will I do? I hope to do some writing, helping authors improve their manuscripts (if you know anyone who needs the help of a writer, think of me!). I will do some teaching. I have a lot of possibilities: my graduate minor is statistics and I love to analyze data; I love to write; I have done a lot of qualitative research, focus groups and the like; I am a social psychologist which means among other things that I know how to research literatures and synthesize them, and I know how to think about why people do what they do.
the sky is upside down in a reflection here - the world does that sometimes, too
Flying is thrilling, flying is scary, there is danger in flying, crashing lives in the shadows, but what are we here for? To stand on the ground our whole lives and just look at the sky?
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So I really liked the madelinetosh eyre light that I received – the reddish orangish skein called jodhpur. But I wasn’t loving it. It didn’t go with anything in my life (except for my memories of Texas dirt). I couldn’t see it on me. I tried it here I tried it there. I tried it in a box. I tried it with a fox. I tried it in my hair. I tried it in my chair.
Nope.
Luckily, there are madelinetosh forums on ravelry, which include destash/trade threads. Within a couple of minutes of posting, I found someone who wanted to trade her skein for mine, in the colorway I wanted – cousteau. Here it is:
cousteau - madelinetosh eyre light
GORGEOUS. And it relates to other yarns in my stash, and to things I wear. Once I’m out of this very intense crunch I can’t wait to get back to madelinetosh knitting. In addition to my more-than-fulltime job, I am trying to finish the wedding dress and shawl, doing the Creativity Boot Camp daily exercises, and taking an online course in preparation for teaching online courses in psychology. And racing to finish my bookclub book (which is amazing). And trying to finish reading 3 manuscripts. And trying desperately to spend time with my beloved husband. And trying to sleep and eat.
So yeah, madelinetosh is waiting for me, and I can’t wait to get back to her.
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This word was challenging, as Maegan said it would be. I let it percolate in the back of my mind all day at work. I thought of one direction I’d go, but I wasn’t satisfied with it. Then, sitting here with my fingers poised over my keyboard, it hit me.In 1988, my baby, my son, was failing to thrive. We’d moved from Texas to Connecticut. I didn’t know anyone. I was still hemorrhaging from his birth, the previous May. I had a 5-year old daughter, a 2-year old daughter, and an infant. I didn’t know it, but he was simply allergic to the corn syrup in his formula – but his pediatrician told me a devastating story of a failed life for my most precious little boy.
So, in the deep dark middle of the nights, I sat in my chair and pieced a quilt. Each little diamond, each stitch, soaked in my tears, dyed with my heartsick worry. I stitched and stitched, night after night.
Months passed, I figured out the corn syrup connection and changed his formula. We moved to Virginia, to Fredericksburg. He caught up, he ran and laughed. He lay under my quilting hoop and laughed when the quilting needle poked through the quilt. He laughed, my son laughed, and so did I.
my tear- and laughter-soaked quilt
It’s the first quilt I ever made, and I have layers of thoughts and feelings when I look at it – pride, and memories of the dark and the terror, joyful memories of his laughter. It’s impossible to feel just one thing when I look at it. The making of it is layered and complex. And now it lives in my oldest daughter’s home, in the first home she bought with her husband.
Meagan provided this perfect poem – so perfect I include it here, so it’s forever linked with my story.
The Journey, by Mary Oliver
One day you finally knew
What you had to do, and began,
Though the voices around you
Kept shouting
Their bad advice—
Though the whole house
Began to tremble
And you felt the old tug
At your ankles.
“Mend my life!”
Each voice cried.
But you didn’t stop.
You knew what you had to do
Though the wind pried
With its stiff fingers
At the very foundations
Though their melancholy
Was terrible.
It was already late
Enough, and a wild night,
And the road full of fallen
Branches and stones.
But little by little
As you left their voices behind,
The stars began to burn
Through the sheets of clouds,
And there was a new voice
Which you slowly recognized as you own,
That kept you company
As you strode deeper and deeper
Into the world,
Determined to do
The only thing you could do—
Determined to save
The only life that you could save.
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If you’ve read very many posts on my blog, you know I have a hard-core crush on madelinetosh yarns. Except for KnitPicks Felici, which I use for many a pair of socks, I knit almost exclusively with madelinetosh yarn. Amy, the dyer extraordinaire behind the business, just has a masterful way with color and yarn base. There’s a luminosity inside the yarn, a great deal of the time. Except for the yarns that are truly variegated, the colors have extremely subtle and delicate shifts in color – there but not there, really – which give the skein and anything knitted with it depth and dimensionality like nothing else I’ve ever seen.
So I’ve been a member of the yarn club twice (and have already signed up for the next round). This final delivery for the current session came today – madelinetosh eyre light is the base, a softly-spun single that’s 60% merino wool, 20% silk, and 20% baby alpaca. I chose the “natural” color family (rather than neutral or jewel tones). This color is named jodhpur, which of course calls to mind India and the richness of colors that characterize that country. To me, though, the color looks like the red dirt of home. I like it so much more than I thought I would when I saw it in the ravelry forums of people who got theirs before I got mine. Here, look:
madelinetosh eyre light - colorway: jodhpur
I don’t know what I’ll make with just one skein of it – fingering weight, only 465 yards – but for now I’m just going to cuddle it, eat some Texas caviar, and dream of home.
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