W10, D2

Still glum, still blue, and I had to do this MUCH earlier than I wanted to/was ready to, because I had to get my shower in time for the bathroom to dry out before the 2pm patient…since I’m going to book club tonight, the shower was not optional. Today I did:

Warm up: 20 leg swings on both sides
Warm up: 20 spider man lunges

exercise last time TODAY
kettlebell swing (goal 50) 25 28
slow crunches 30 30
kettlebell squats (goal 15) 12 12
side knee kicks 20 23
hip raises (goal 15) 9/9/10 11/11/11
leg raises 15 15
burpees (goal 10) 6 0

 

Today, just showing up was leveling up. At the end of each rep, I thought that’s it for today, I just can’t. I did push through, obviously, except for the burpees. I thought about how important it is for me, toward myself, to do it anyway. How this is what discipline means, doing it anyway.

It’s also very hard to do this all alone. It means everything, having my Chicago trainer and cheerleader, but I’m also doing this all alone, in a glum room.

W5, D4

OH MY GOD. Not only was today extremely hard, after my first set of plank/side plank my mind yelled this at me: NO. STOP. NO MORE. Really, it was like, like it yelled that at me and there was no room to argue. I had to rest a minute, and I said fuck you, YES. It was a very very hard workout today, and I felt my spirit falter a lot. I was very nauseous at the end of it, and another thing I learned is that I have to wait and recover before I get in the shower. I smelled so bad, I went straight to the shower and was honestly afraid I was going to fall a number of times.

But I did this:

Warm Ups:

  • arm swing/leg swing:  20x each limb
  • spiderman lunges: 20
  • arm raises:  20

ROUTINE:

  • deep squats:  3 sets of 20 (10 toe-touches, 10 regular deep)
  • modified push ups:  3 sets of 12
  • plank:  3 sets, held for 17 seconds
  • side plank:  3 sets, held for 20 seconds
  • modified burpees:  3 sets of 6
  • bicycle crunches:  30  (easier to do them faster, and form is even better, but i’m really breathless and exhausted after each set!)
  • hip thrusts:  3 sets of 7 held to the count of 10
  • leg raises:  3 sets of 15 on each leg

That loud no was shocking, and hard. It kind of pissed me off, and when I yelled back my fuck you yes I was mad. I kept flagging, wanting to take shortcuts or do the exercises in some half-ass way just to finish, but I talked out loud to myself and said no, don’t cheat yourself. You’re doing all this already, don’t cheat yourself. And I had to do the counting out loud, with ferocity to keep myself going.

To make the schedule work today, with Marc’s patients, I did my workout at 9:30 in his office, in order to get my shower and have the bathroom unhumidified and dried out in time. Unfortunately, at 8 I’d made some eggs with onion and fresh spinach — just 2 eggs, 1/2 T of butter, and a cup of green tea. I think having that food in my stomach so close to my workout didn’t help, and might partially explain my nausea.

But this is all very much an aerobic exercise for me. My heart rate gets very high and stays high and hard, and I pant and feel breathless.

I guess this is why it’s called a workout.

W5, D1

YIKES.

Warm Ups:

  • arm swing/leg swing:  20x each limb
  • spiderman lunges: 20
  • arm raises:  20  (breathless after these 2 new additions!)

ROUTINE:

  • deep squats:  3 sets of 20 (5 toe-touches, 15 regular deep)
  • modified push ups:  3 sets of 11
  • plank:  3 sets, held for 16 seconds  really really hard today! had to take a short break before the 3rd set
  • side plank:  3 sets, held for 20 seconds

[i think to myself, i think "really? now the fucking burpees?!"][and note: i think this before each of the 3 sets.] :)

  • modified burpees:  3 sets of 6
  • bicycle crunches:  30 form was not great, i have a lot to do to make this better
  • hip thrusts:  3 sets of 7 held to the count of 10
  • leg raises:  3 sets of 15 on each leg

Today was hard. Seriously. Like, I was kind of nauseous, and it was not fun. That’s OK that it wasn’t fun! It was harder than just a little bit harder, but I did it and if I can do this exact thing again on Wednesday I’ll feel good about that.

My pause between pairs of sets (i.e., burpee/crunch pause burpee/crunch pause) was a little bit longer than usual. My hair is soaked and my shirt is soaked, too. I do not smell good. My form on the crunches needs to be improved, a lot; Marnie, do I do fewer, but with the best form, or 30 with a form that needs work but is at least good enough not to be hurting me? (i.e., I’m not using my neck muscles, I’m using my abs, but my legs are not parallel to the floor, by any means.)

For breakfast I ate 3 eggs, scrambled in butter. I’ve had a lot of water, and I am going to have tuna for lunch. Feeling shaky and exhausted!

edit: for lunch i had a small can of tuna, with chopped onions, lots of pepper, and torn-up fresh spinach. really good!